April 10

What a day! Seriously, I am not sure where to begin! Today is always a day that sticks out in my mind. It is the day my world was rocked to the core 8 years ago. On this day, I watched as my mother ended her 11 year battle with cancer and went home to be with Jesus. I was just 19 years old. It seems as though my mom was sick for most of my childhood. She got breast cancer when I was 9, which later spread to her bones and eventually brain. When she went in to have her brain tumor removed, I don't think I was truly prepared for her to leave. Afterall, that is just not the way it was supposed to work out. Now here I am, 8 years later blogging about this. I thought long and hard about what approach I wanted to take with this. Of course this day is always sad for me because I think about the what could have beens and what ifs and whys? But with today being Good Friday and Easter weekend, I thought I would share the last few moments of my mother's life with you because I truly believe that God was with us. My mother's surgery on her brain had major complications and after 11 hours in surgery, she came out in a coma. For days they monitored her and we stayed by her side hoping for some sign that she would be ok. When the doctors finally told us that there was nothing more they could do, we knew we had to make a decision. We decided that quality of life is what my mom wanted and let her go to be with God. Before they turned off the machines, we were able to have a prayer service with her. I remember I stood next to the bed and held her hand. It had been a very gray day, which matched the mood we were all in. However, when the machines were turned off and we stood around the bed, a beam of sunlight shown on the bed as if it were my mother's way of letting us know it would be ok. Being with my mother as her spirit left us is somethiing I will always remember. I share this with you not to make you sad, although it may. But instead, to reassure you that faith is real and God is real. I used to question him a lot (A LOT) because I didn't think it was fair how everything happened. But when I look into my daughter's eyes I know that prayers are answered and He is there. Today, my dad, Matt, Kelsey and I went to my mom's grave to put flowers on it. It is crazy how I can smile and cry at the same time thinking of her. She was incredible and I miss her very much. I wish she was here to watch Kelsey grow, but my faith reassures me that she is with me, even if I can't see her. Matka, I love you and miss you. Ja cie kocham.